The Legend of the Wolf
by ShellCottage
Summary: What was it about Nymphadora Tonks that made Remus behave that way? Was it her beautiful face, her unmistakable carefree youth, or was it something more profound? Remus Lupin was about to discover that not always the heart behaves as it is suppose to.
1. The Drunk

The Drunk

"Come on, Moony." Sirius Black was definitely not a good friend. It was the fourth time he whispered these words into Remus's ear during the meeting. He knew Remus always caved in, he just needed to insist until he did.

"Talk to me one more time and you're death." he said, leaning in his direction and faking a smile.

"Please, Moony." Sirius insisted again.

"Oi," Nymphadora Tonks leaned in to Sirius's other side, whispering too. "shut up, you two. Snivellus is talking."

Sirius cracked a bit, Remus stifled a laugh and both of them turned to Snape's greasy figure at the other end of the table. He was talking about Dumbledore's latest orders regarding Harry Potter. They were still undecided about how to fetch him from Private Drive, and Dumbledore was worried they might encounter Death Eaters before they planned to engage in combat.

Molly scoffed in their direction, reminding them that it was a serious business. But silence didn't last for too long. Sirius immediately grew tired of Snape's voice and turned again to Remus and whispered:

"Come on, Moony. Let's do it tonight."

"Fine." he whispered back. "I'll do it if it means you'll shut up."

"You heard that, Tonks?" Sirius whispered now in her direction. "You staying, right?"

"Of course, big cousin." she whispered. Remus stiffened.

Sirius kept fidgeting for the rest of the meeting. His legs impatiently moving under the table, and his manic grin spooking the hell out of Mundungus Fletcher. When Snape had finally stopped talking and Arthur declared the meeting over, Sirius sprang out of his chair and into his room.

"What's with him?" Arthur asked Remus, once the children were permitted into the kitchen again.

"He's just excited, I guess." Remus said, shrugging his shoulders.

"About what?" Arthur quipped suspiciously.

"I promised to go buy some Firewhiskey."

"Oh, Molly won't be happy about that." Arthur said, combing his thinning hair with his hand.

"Don't worry, Arthur." Remus said, patting him on the back. "Sirius plans on getting rid of all the evidence before you come back tomorrow morning."

"You better. If something goes wrong send your patronus so I can talk Molly down before coming in."

"Is she so against it?" Remus asked.

"You know Molly. She hates having alcohol near the children and she thinks Sirius turns into a bad influence once he drinks. That's why she tossed all his alcohol last month."

"He was having withdrawals because of it." Remus said, sighing. "Truthfully, I'm afraid he might be turning into an alcoholic, but I guess is only natural for him to drink in his situation."

"Who knows what he might have seen in that place." Arthur said, sighing too.

"Should I break my promise?"

"No, let him drink tonight. As long as he is under supervision and he drinks with company, I guess, he's fine."

"That means I'll have to watch myself." Remus mumbled. He had more than one reason to watch what he was consuming. But he didn't say that to Arthur. Arthur just asked him to be cautious, and sat down to eat dinner.

Sirius came down to dinner with his best suit on. Everybody looked at him suspiciously, specially Remus, but they just assumed it was his customary odd behavior. It had been like that since he had been imprisoned (as he liked to say) in Grimmauld Place, everybody just dismissed his strange behavior to his prolonged stay at Azkaban. Remus knew his friend was basically losing it, the solitude, the constant fear he had for Harry, the unableness to even walk outside, the anger at not being able to catch Pettigrew for now two years. It was all too much for his mind. Remus feared Sirius's mind was in even more danger there, than it had been in Azkaban.

"What you lookin at?" he growled at Remus.

"Calm down, Padfoot." Remus whispered, dismissively. "I was just admiring your tacky suit."

"You're one to say." Sirius scoffed, looking at Remus's disheveled appearance. "When did you become such a slob?"

"Well," Remus said, a playful tone in his voice. "a werewolf can't live in luxury. Have you ever seen one wearing a nice suit?"

"I wish I could see that…" Sirius said, patting Remus on the shoulder. Dinner was a curious affair, Arthur was constantly glancing towards Remus and Sirius. Remus was starting to think, Arthur had his reasons to worry about Sirius, he had seen too how his intervention in the Order was becoming reckless and Remus could bet that Arthur was afraid of Sirius ruining the Order's chance to bring Harry in.

"Don't worry, Arthur." Remus whispered in his ear, slapping his back as he walked to the kitchen sink to wash his plates.

Arthur just slouched his shoulders and acted as if nothing had happened, more for Molly's sake, than because he hadn't heard.

Remus kept scrubbing dishes and hearing the clatter that dinner at Grimmauld Place caused, he was thinking hard about what would happen tonight. Sirius was bound to be messy and he probably would talk about the first war and about James and Lily. He had to keep his composure once he started talking about their friends, it was not wise to start cracking in front of Sirius. He had his way of making sadness into sorrow, and Remus didn't wish to become a crying mess in front of…

He couldn't even think about it. The thought was violently pushed to the back of his mind, and he decided that no matter what, he was not to get drunk or else things were bound to get really dangerous. He hadn't realised when this infatuation started: at the beginning he just absentmindedly stared at the nape of her neck, and then his eyes naturally followed the shape of her bosom. He did this in several occasions, his eyes always admiring her figure and her lovely heart-shaped face. But then, one day, an intrusive thought popped into his mind, and he couldn't let it go ever again: the thought of a pregnant Tonks lying in bed next to him.

Of course Remus Lupin had had the urge to settle down and have a family in counted phases throughout his life. He had always liked children, even when he was at Hogwarts, maybe that was one of the reasons he accepted the job Dumbledore offered even though he knew nothing good was going to come out of it. And it is also true that he had imagined getting married with several strange women in the street, but his furry problem always rendered it impossible in his mind, so his experience in relationships and children were almost non existent.

So, what was about this particular woman (and such a young woman, at that) that made him want to throw all caution to the wind, that made him so exclusively sensible, that made him a complete mess? He reminded himself for the hundredth time that he was only attracted to her in a pure physical way, and left the clean dishes in the sink, where he magicked them into the right drawers.

"I'll be back." he announced to the room. Sirius immediately smirked and winked in his direction.

"Where are you going, dear?" Molly asked, stilling the whole room.

"Oh, don't worry, Molly." Remus said, a cheerful tone disguising the lie. "I just need some refills for the potion."

"Should Arthur go with you?" Molly asked, looking at her husband. "Or one of the twins, you shouldn't go alone."

"Oh, no, Molly dear." Arthur intervened. "I wouldn't like one of the twins to leave the house at this hour."

"I can go," said Fred. "where are you heading? Knockturn alley? We've been wanting to go to look at some--"

"No one is going to Knockturn alley!" Molly screeched at her son.

"Don't worry, Molly, really. I--" Remus began.

"I'm just so nervous of anyone getting caught and--" Molly said, grabbing her chest.

"Fine, fine." Tonks said, laughing. "I'll go with Remus."

"Oh," Remus was a bit taken aback. "There's really no need for--"

"Nonsense. Let Tonks go with you. I'll feel much better if a qualified Auror goes with you." Molly said, putting her foot down.

"Let's go, Remus." Tonks said, grabbing his arm.

"I'm a werewolf, you know?" Remus mumbled on their way out the kitchen, feeling slightly embarrassed by Molly's preoccupation.

Tonks stirred Remus's arm trying to get him to the front door. She had a glint of amusement in her eye, and he feared she was actually laughing at his disgrace. Did she thought he was weak too? He shook his head, trying to clear his mind from such intrusive thoughts. He shouldn't care if Tonks thought he was weak, he knew otherwise, he was dangerous. He knew that too well.

"Cheer up, Remus." Tonks said in a soft voice. The air of the early night engulfed them as they stepped out from Grimmauld Place. "Don't be so disappointed because I came with you."

"Well," he adjusted his eyes to the dark street, the steps to the house disappearing behind them. "I didn't ask for company, did I?"

"Oh." she said, letting go of his arm, and adjusting her cardigan more tightly around her figure. "Molly was just worried about you."

"She doesn't need to be." he said curtly. Why was he in such a foul mood all of the sudden? "You don't need to be either. I can pretty much take care of myself. I always have."

"Oh, I was not worried. I was trying to make you a favor. But I guess my good manners were not welcomed." she snapped. They continued walking in silence, fresh air blowing in their direction and making their walk all the more uncomfortable. When they finally arrived at the liquor store a few blocks away, Remus was feeling regretful at his behavior.

"Wotcher, Curtis." Tonks said to the store clerk in her same cheerful tone. "Did you get the good stuff?"

"Hello, Tonks." the clerk answered. He was a short man with acne scars on his face and sandy hair. He looked like he had been in some rough places in life, and yet he still looked joyous and fresh. "I got a batch directly from Romania last week, but I'm almost out. I'm the only one that supplies it in this part of town. I'm grateful about it, but, Merlin, I'm always running out. I've got two bottles left."

"Brilliant." she said, beaming up. "We'll take it."

"What is it?" Remus asked, getting two Firewhiskey bottles from the shelves.

"Dragon ale." Curtis said. "It's still not fully approved here, it's still in process. There was some issue with the import law and a loose dragon that made the Ministry pulled it back for a little while, so it's high in demand right now."

"Is it illegal, then?"

"No, no, no. I wouldn't go that far as to say it's illegal…" Curtis said, lifting his hands defensively and looking nervously at Tonks.

"I would say it's more exotic than illegal, Remus." Tonks said, winking at Curtis. "There are no laws against possession or consumption. It would have been illegal to produce it, but we're good."

"See," Curtis said, introducing the amounts and the codes into the cash register. "I'm just a provider of the exotic."

"How much do we owe you?" Tonks asked, getting her hand inside her pocket.

"25 Galleons, 2 Sickles and 6 Knuts." Curtis said. Remus gulped at the high amount. He wasn't expecting it to be that expensive. He just had 13 Galleons in his pocket.

"Here," Tonks beat him to it, getting 26 Galleons on the counter. "you can pay me back later."

"Thanks." he mumbled, feeling even more embarrassed than before.

Remus grabbed their stash and they headed back in that painful silence again. As their steps resonated on the paved walk, he let his mind wander into territory where he was not comfortable in being. He tried to analyze his heart, and as the silence grew longer and his embarrassment grew larger, it became scrutinously obvious that those feelings that he was claiming to have for the past weeks were not there at all. He wasn't in love with her, he was just attracted to her: she was young and pretty and her worked body was enticing, but he didn't know her at all. They were not friends, they were just acquaintances that happened to be friends (in her case cousin) with the same person.

"Sirius will love it." Tonks said, in hopes of breaking the silence.

"What?" Remus asked absentmindedly.

"The dragon ale." she said, looking down and then straight ahead. That was the only time she tried to engage him in conversation. So when they finally arrived to the house, and entered the wretched corridor with the ugly furniture and Tonks tripped on it and she woke the portrait of Sirius's late mother, he couldn't help but to crack up a bit.

"Fucking hell, Tonks!" Sirius came running to the portrait to help his cousin shut down the curtains under the mad screams.

"What're you laughing at, you tosser?" Sirius said to Remus once the curtains and the portrait were sedated.

"Always so aggressive, my friend." Remus said, getting ahead to the kitchen and discovering the Weasleys were already out of the house.

"Arthur said Harry was getting here by the end of the week. They went to the Burrow to pack, it seems everyone will be staying here for the rest of the summer." Sirius answered Remus's unspoken question. "I love having this pretty drinking parties with you, guys, but some more faces around this place would be nice.

Sirius took out some drinking glasses and left them on the table. Tonks pulled out a chair and sat down, getting her glass from the group and winking at Remus. Remus looked at her with baffled eyes. His insides were churning from the gesture and he had to remind himself that he had already come to terms with his attraction.

"Remus…" Tonks whispered, winking more obviously at him. Sirius looked from Tonks crouching face to Remus's clueless one.

"What is it? Why are you winking?" Sirius asked.

"Oh, for fuck's sake!" Tonks winked again, widening her eyes and signaling to the bags with the dragon ale inside.

"Oh!" Remus said, grabbing the bag and sitting down at the table with them. "It was meant to be a surprise?"

"Well, it bloody won't be now, will it?" Tonks said exasperated, grabbing the bottles from him. "Surprise, cuz!"

Tonks opened the bag and took out the two clear bottles with the red ale inside. Sirius choked up and grabbed the bottles from her and in a true alcoholic fashion, hugged them both close to his heart. Remus could swear he saw tears prickling his eyes.

"Dragon ale?!" Sirius said, moved. "You bought this for me?"

"Of course!"

"It's my favorite!"

"I know." Tonks sang, getting one of the bottles, opening it, and pouring the ale in their glasses. "What should we toast for?"

"For amazing cousins and dragon ale!" Sirius said, thrusting his glass to the center. Tonks laughed and clinked her glass to his. They both turned to Remus, who was still inspecting the ale, and feeling the looks on his face, he joined in.

The alcohol didn't go down smoothly Remus's throat. He wondered why they liked it, and gulped down forcefully. It tasted spicy and his stomach immediately groaned. He coughed and then turned to look at the other two. Tonks was already refilling their glasses, laughing. She grabbed Remus's empty glass, and before he could refuse, she filled him up again.

"Let's play a game, shall we?" she said, in her cheerful voice.

"I'm not playing with you again!" Sirius said. "That "the first who laughs, drinks" game is dangerous."

"No, no." Tonks said, glancing at Remus. "I would crush both of you in an instant with that game. I can easily morph a smile away! Let's play...truth or drink!"

"Ugh." Remus groaned.

"It'll be fun, Remus."

"All right, then." he conceded, crossing his legs and propping his head on his hand. "Although I suspect Sirius already knows everything about the both of us."

"Nope." Sirius said, smirking. "Just the dirty little secrets, mate."

"Fantastic." Remus mumbled.

"I'll start." Tonks said, looking at Remus. "Remus, truth or drink?"

"Truth."

"Were you this uptight as a kid too?" she asked, mocking him.

"Of course he was, you should have seen him at Hogwarts, all properly dressed and always doing his homework!" Sirius laughed, taking a sip from his drink.

"Ugh." Remus groaned again and downed the drink he had on his hand. He figured that if Tonks and Sirius were going to mock him all night, he might as well be drunk to enjoy it. "Fine. Tonks, truth or drink?"

"I'll choose drink because it's still early." she said cheekily and downed her drink. She filled up again all of their glasses. "Sirius, truth or drink?"

"Truth."

"Who was your first love?" Tonks asked.

"I'll drink and answer that later tonight." he said, gulping down all his drink in a second.

"All right-y." Tonks said, laughing and refilling the glass once Sirius had put it down.

Remus had the slight realisation both of his companions were drunk about two hours later: Sirius's speech was slurrying and Tonks was giggling uncontrollably. She was starting to choose truth, and although their questions were kind of childish until then, Remus was glad she was talking.

"Tonks." he called. "Truth or drink?"

"Truth!"

"Are you a virgin?" Remus's question made Tonks blink a couple times, trying to focus. He realised then that he too was a bit drunk.

"Nope." she said, but still drank. "Remus, truth or drink?"

"Truth."

"How was your first time like?"

"Embarrassing."

"Please elaborate, I have always wanted to know this." Sirius laughed. "You know, Tonks, Remus, believe it or not, was actually the first one to lose it. Sixth year, was it not?"

"Yes, yes." Remus nodded. "With fucking Brea Larson. She was a pretty Ravenclaw and had these long braids that I always fantasised about pulling. We had prefect duty together and she had been flirting with me the whole year."

"Bad boy, Remus, taking a young clueless witch into your claws." Tonks giggled.

"Into his paws, Tonks." Sirius corrected.

"I didn't take her into anything. She took herself." Remus drunkenly spurred. "She pulled me into a broom cupboard and attacked me! She sat down over me, and I was so excited and surprised that I--"

"Oh, please continue." Sirius prompted.

"You know what happened. It just lasted a few seconds."

"Oh, Remus!" Tonks giggled again.

"Drink up, mate." Sirius said, laughing too.

"Come on, Padfoot." Remus slurred after downing almost all his glass of dragon ale. "You tell us your first sexual experience, then."

"Oh, mate," Sirius said playfully, refilling Remus's glass. "you'll be more ashamed if I tell you."

"I don't know if I want to hear it." Tonks said, sipping from her glass. Her cheeks were a pinkish color and her eyes had started to water. Remus looked at her with soft eyes. Her whole appearance was too much for him: she looked innocent and joyous and the fact that he was centimeters away from her, was burning inside his chest.

"It can't be that good, Tonks." Remus said, his eyes not leaving her face for even a second. "He's just saying stupid shit."

"Oh, no, my dear furry friend!" Sirius laughed at his own joke. "Let me tell you the story of how I lost my virginity."

Sirius filled his glass again and patted Remus on the back, his goofy grin becoming even more manic and enthusiastic. Remus reluctantly turned his head to Sirius, but Tonks had her eyes clenching to the werewolf's profile. He could feel her gaze caressing his side, the contour of his ear, the fullness of his lips, the bristle of his skin. He was being watched, and that, more than the proximity, was scorching the inside of his loins.

"We had just graduated Hogwarts, I bought my awesome motorcycle with the last money I had gotten from my estranged parents, and I had taken it out for a ride. Dusk rapidly approached me and I entered a bar near Central London. Hear this, mate, there was a tiny little vixen at the other end of the bar, she had blue eyes and this huge bosom. I invited her a drink and she gladly accepted--"

"She must have been a prostitute, Sirius." Tonks said, suddenly too serious, her eyes were having a hard time focusing and then she bursted out laughing.

"No, no, cuz." Sirius continued. "she was no prostitute, she was a witch. She had recognized my flying bike and asked me over to chat. The only two magic people in a bar full of muggles. She was older--"

"Of course she was older." Remus laughed.

"You think I'm making this up?" Sirius asked his friend.

"You are making this up."

"No, no, Moony." Sirius waved down the werewolf and pressing harder on his shoulder he continued. "She was older, and real, and after some drinks she asked me to walk her to her flat a few blocks away. Naturally, as the gentleman you know I am, I did. We were at her door and told me how grateful she was, and asked me up for a sweet cup of coffee--"

"Come on, Sirius, you're clearly making this shit up!" Tonks intervened, laughing again, and still taking small sips from her glass.

"Listen, Tonks, I'm about to finish my story." He took a huge gulp from his glass and continued: "So I came up to her flat. She put some music on, and we were just chatting and chilling in her living room, right? And she just unbuttoned her top, slowly at first, and when she saw I was into it, she just took it off. She straddled me, kissing me wildly and almost ripping away my clothes. And when we were both buttnaked and humping each other, about to enter her, there was a rattling of keys on the front door, and in came her roommate: this gorgeous brunnette with an even bigger bosom and--"

"Horseshit!" Remus exclaimed.

"That's total bull, Sirius!" Tonks shrilled.

Sirius bursted out in laughter, the booming sound resonating in the empty house. He clenched his side, bending down from laughing so hard and after some moments of only his voice echoing, his amusement finally calmed down. Remus and Tonks observed him with annoyed expressions, but after him just laughing at his own joke like an idiot for that long, they chuckled a couple times with him.

"Truth or drink, Sirius?" Tonks said.

"Truth."

"How was your first time, really?"

"At the end of our seventh year, I lost it to Rita Wilkins. We did it in our dormitory, and then I stopped talking to her and I actually never saw her again after we went home for the summer. It was okay, I guess." Sirius shrugged, and for good measure, he took a swing from his drink.

"How normal." Tonks shrugged.

"How was yours, then?" Remus asked. His eyes met hers, and he could see his reflexion in them. It was probably all the alcohol in his system, but he felt drawn to her, as if there was an invisible strength pulling him to her, making him look.

"I did it in the locker rooms at Auror training." she said. "It was actually not so long ago."

"What? Some few years ago?" Remus asked, waving her comment with his hand and drinking from his glass.

"More like a couple months ago." she said. "His name is James Watson. We were in a sort of kind of relationship, or more like I thought we were in a sort of kind of relationship and he thought we were fuckbuddies. I was stupid enough to give in, and then when I asked him what were we, he fucking said:" Tonks's face morphed to what James Watson presumably looked like and in her best male voice she said: "What do you mean? We're teammates!"

"Fuck James Watson." Sirius said and propped his head on his hand, closing his eyes.

"When you say a couple months ago…?" Remus asked, trying to look calm about her youngness.

"It was back in May." she said casually, shrugging and taking a bigger sip from her glass.

"How...How old are you exactly?" Remus asked, suddenly feeling lightheaded.

"21." she said, downing the last of her drink.

"Oh, Merlin." he said. He didn't know why, but that number didn't make him worry nor did it make him realise how stupid his infatuation with this girl was, it made him horny. He looked down at his lap, and he could clearly discern the shape of his erection.

"Why?" Tonks asked drunkenly. "How old are you?"

"35." he said, disliking how much of a difference it seemed like. "We're 14 years apart."

"So what?" she said, looking directly to his face. He felt himself go completely red, and his erection just grew larger. What was it about this girl that made him want her so much? He wanted to kiss those big round eyes, caress the top of her eyelids, part those wet lips with his finger and make her suck so hard that it hurts.

"Merlin." Remus hotly whispered.

They heard a loud thunk from behind them, making them lose eye contact and turned their heads to the noise. Sirius's head had fallen down from his hand and had hit the table with such force that he had developed a red marking on his forehead. Sirius just grunted and snoozed away.

"He's completely hammered." Remus said. He discreetly pulled up his trousers to hide his erection and stood up to tend to Sirius. "I'll take him to his room."

"I'll wait for you here." Tonks said in a husky voice. Or was it? Remus was not sure anymore what was the difference between what he was feeling and what he wanted to happen.

He picked up Sirius as best as he could. He managed to take him over his shoulder and they moved slowly and stumbling to the upstairs landing. Sirius began grunting, and he walked up the stairs with heavy feet and even heavier eyelids.

"Come on, mate. Help me a bit." Remus implored, grasping the railing as to not fall over.

"I'm sleepy." he said in exchange.

"I know." Remus grunted. "We're almost there."

He managed to get him all the way to his room at the end of the hall. He opened the door as he could and he just pushed Sirius onto the bed. He landed in a weird position. Remus tried to make him lay comfortably, and as he took off his shoes, Sirius grunted again.

"You know, Moony," he began, kicking his trousers down. "you know who my first love was."

"I know, old mate." he said, getting him out of his suit's jacket. "It's fine."

"I'm sorry." Sirius mumbled. "I'm sorry for being a nuisance."

"You were never a nuisance." Remus said softly.

"I bet you thought I was weird." Sirius said, his eyes closed and his body limp.

"I thought you were cool."

"Even when I confessed to you?" Sirius opened his eyes slightly, looking at him between his lashes.

"Specially when you confessed. Not everybody's got the nuts, particularly at sixteen." Remus said truthfully.

"Those feelings are over now. They had been over for almost 20 years. You're a good friend to me now." Sirius said, closing his eyes once again. His breathing became soft and regular, and before Remus could finish pulling his jacket off, Sirius was snoring.

"I know." Remus whispered.

"What was that about?" Tonks's voice was carried as in a soft breeze all the way into Remus's ears. He turned around, wondering how much had she heard.

"I thought you were gonna wait downstairs." Remus said, walking towards her. He could feel the effects of the alcohol wearing off, he could almost walk in a straight line now. Her mind was something else, though. She had rosy cheeks and Remus could see as her eyes went in and out of focus.

"I got bored." she said. She had her arms crossed at her back, and when Remus was right in front of her at the opened door frame, she unfolded them, revealing the remaining dragon ale and two glasses. "We ought to take care of this before the Weasleys arrive."

"You're right." Remus mumbled. Tonks turned around and walked the length of the hallway stumbling over the furniture. Remus looked at her with curious eyes. Was it possible that she was flirting with him? He wasn't sure.

"Is this your room?" Tonks asked, caressing the wooden closed door at the end of the hallway. She turned around flicking her huge piercing eyes.

"It is."

"Show it to me." she said, opening the door. Remus followed her, and in no time, they were sitting on the bed, Tonks's legs pulled against her chest. Remus was lying down on his side, watching Tonks closely, he had his head propped on his hand and the glass of dragon ale in the other one.

"Drink or truth?" Tonks asked quietly, it was barely above a whisper, and Remus asked himself if she had actually asked.

"Truth."

"Have you ever been in love?" Tonks asked still with her quiet voice. She was taking little sips out of her glass, no doubt wanting to still be drunk, but not wanting to get sick.

"Of course. Who hasn't?" Remus answered, his eyes traveling the length of her legs, his hand itching to caress the inside of her thighs. He felt a little light-headed.

"Have you been married?" she asked, unfolding her legs and sitting crossed-legged, her back resting on his headboard. Remus chuckled against the question.

"No." he simply said, and laid down on his back, looking directly to the ceiling. The room was starting to spin and he couldn't tell for sure, but he felt as if the light was getting darker.

"Have you been engaged?" she asked again. Remus could feel her weight changing on the bed, and then he heard a clatter, as if she was setting her glass on the night table.

"Never."

"Have you had a proper girlfriend?"

"Not really."

"When was the last time you had sex?" with her question, Tonks straddled him. Remus was immediately taken aback, she had not even touched his arm before, and there she was on top of him, looking down at his face, and his eyes widened.

"What are you doing?" his voice came out calmer than he was feeling.

"Should I--Should I get off?" she stammered, her face turning into an embarrassed red blob. "I thought you wanted to."

"I do." Remus whispered, his heartbeat increasing at an alarming rate. His trousers were feeling extremely tight with Tonks's hot pussy over them. "But…"

"I knew I had seen you looking at me like that." she said, and then she leaned in to kiss him. She let their lips lock in a casual way, as if they always did that kind of thing. Her hands were pressing down his chest and her legs embraced his under his knees.

"Oh, Merlin." Remus hotly sighed into her lips, and letting go of the empty glass, he firmly grabbed Tonks's hips, pressing her core even more to his now painful erection. She rubbed herself over him, moving her hands slowly to his shoulders, and then running them over his arms, making Remus's skin bristle. He grabbed her lips with his, biting slightly her bottom one, and then introducing his tongue. He opened his eyes briefly, taking a glimpse of a red-lipped Tonks, her heaving chest that was threatening to spill out of her blouse, and the way her hair was all messed up from her last position on the bed.

That's when the thought assaulted Remus's drunken mind again. He pictured her smiling at him, her pregnant belly sticking out of her shirt, her soft hands caressing the baby bump with affection and tenderness. He smiled at the thought and kept kissing her.

She pulled his thinning hair slightly, making him moan into her mouth. Their breathing was becoming erratic, and their hands were getting restless. He pulled her blouse above her head, revealing a lacy black underwear, her breasts were perky and their color a bit more clear than the rest of her skin. He squeezed her breasts. Tonks's head rolled back, her hips still uncontrollably moving back and forth, she moaned and then turned to look at Remus once again. She smiled, and with shaking hands she started unbuttoning Remus's shirt.

They couldn't control themselves any longer, they furiously started removing their clothes, their limbs flailing one way or the other, making sure every button was undone, every zipper unzipped and every part of their bodies uncovered. At some point, Tonks had stood up from him, and he had stood up from the bed, and they were both standing up in front of the other, looking at themselves, shame pushed all the way to the back of their minds thanks to the alcohol.

"You're beautiful." Remus whispered, stepping closer to her, his chest heaving and looking in awe at the roundness of her breasts and the wetness of her sex. He grabbed her by the waist, pulling her closer to him, she parted her lips, her hands flat against his chest. Remus kissed her, introducing his tongue inside her mouth instantly, squeezing her with his hands, and letting all his emotions pour into her. He grabbed her ass, and with a little jump from her, he managed to lift her up and she immediately wrapped her legs around his middle. His erection was crushed between her folds, soaking wet. Remus walked to the bed again, not leaving her lips for even a second. He placed Tonks delicately on his bed, climbing on top of her, still kissing her mouth and then her earlobe, her neck, all the way down to her breasts, taking her right nipple into his mouth.

"Ugh." Tonks said, getting her hands away from Remus's head and taking them over her face. She squirmed a bit and then she said: "I'm not feeling well."

"Huh?" Remus asked. He turned his face to see her, but he couldn't. In that instant, Tonks shoved him away and ran to the bathroom, leaving the door open.

Remus could hear her gagging inside the bathroom. His mind felt hazy, too, but as he stayed laying down on the bed, he realised he was not in risk of becoming sick. He was not drunk anymore, at least it didn't feel like it, he was at worst tipsy.

"Are you alright?" he asked, standing up from the bed and walking towards the bathroom. He watched Tonks's naked figure kneeling down in front of the toilet, her arms around the seat, covering her face but puking her guts out. For some reason, he didn't find it repelling. Tonks was in need, and that was the only thing that his mind could register.

"Let me help you." he kneeled down beside her, grabbing her hair to get it out of the way, and caressing her back in a delicate manner. Tonks didn't stop vomiting for several minutes, and once all her stomach content had emptied itself, she incorporated, wiping her mouth with the back of her hand.

"Sorry." she whispered, smiling up to him. Her eyes were watery, and her face was red and messy.

Remus observed her smile with special attention. He had never seen a more sincere smile in his life, her whole expression melted Remus away, and just as he was helping her up and taking her back to the bed, he knew: he was falling in love.

They put on their underwear again, and without saying a word, both of them got into bed. He held her for awhile, until her breathing deepen and she no longer moved a muscle. He climbed out of bed then, dressed himself and went downstairs into the Library. He flopped down on the huge couch, and without a second thought he fell asleep.


	2. The Grump

The Grump

As the night was falling, Remus Lupin found the perfect hiding spot just between a tree trunk and a huge rock at the skirts of the Forbidden Forest. He sat down with his legs crossed on the grass and watched the castle from afar. It was a weird view of it, usually one wouldn't hide like this and the castle just seemed grander and more menacing than in his school years. He looked back to the forest. It didn't scare him anymore, he had wandered far too many times as a teen, and then as a teacher, into this lands. But it still managed to send a mighty shiver running down his spine. He could discern a couple bowtruckles moving in the nearest tree, but nothing beyond that, even though darkness had not completely covered it.

He turned his attention once again to the castle. He watched with easiness every one of the tiny lights of the tiny windows, looking for some sort of trouble, but they just flickered away without any concern. Was it really necessary for them to patrol the castle every night? Certainly You-Know-Who wouldn't risk it, but Dumbledore was being cautious. He, more than anybody else, knew how precious Harry was, and he was not going to let even the slightest of dangers to come his way.

After some minutes, he saw a flickering blue light at the other side of the castle. The blue light came running to him and as it came closer and closer, Remus realised it was a bird. The blue bird came and looking at him straight in the eye, it said:

"Everything is in order, stay put for the night, someone will come to retrieve you after dawn. Constant vigilance!"

And then it dissolved into the night air. _Moody ought to keep his madness at bay,_ Remus thought and propped his head on his hand and set his mind to wait. For the second time this week he was going to pull an all-nighter. He was just glad winter hadn't come yet, or he would have been freezing. He watched as the lights disappeared one by one from the windows in the castle, first the Entrance Hall, then the kitchens, the hallways, until only the common rooms in the towers remained lighted up.

He clinged onto those tiny lights for hours before they finally turned a bright shade of orange. Remus was afraid of being alone in the dark. There was something wrong with him and darkness and silence, because every time it happened, he immediately felt sorrow and loneliness. When he first heard Sirius had been the one to blow up the Godric's Hollow secret, he had felt exactly the same. Going to James's and Lily's memorial, sending his best mate down to Azkaban, and then just disappearing because of his condition, had been a bit too much for his sanity. It was an ironic contrast with the joy the rest of the Wizarding World was feeling because the alleged death of the Dark Lord. He spiraled into depression, he was completely broke, and he had learned to appreciate the full moon. He felt more like a wolf than like a man.

But that had been fifteen years ago. It was an entire different story now: Sirius was innocent, he had recovered his relationship with Harry, he had a bunch of people caring about him even though he was a werewolf. Then why was he feeling so alone?

His mind turned into thoughts of _that_ night. More often than not, Remus's speculations led him towards her. He knew that what he came to understand that night was not right. He couldn't possibly be in love with her. He barely knew her, the only conversation they had had was while drunk, the only interaction they could possibly have was as fellow order members. And yet he couldn't stop thinking about it, or about her, or about the future he wanted to have.

 _Is it wrong to want her that way?_ , he asked himself. She was young and inexperienced. And what would she see in a man like him? He was not entitled to have this feelings, even if they were fleeting, if he caved in, he knew it was only going to get tragic and disappointing for her.

"Remus." he heard a whisper right behind him. Startled, he stood up in a jump and turned to the voice. To his misfortune (or delight, it depends to which part of his brain he was listening to at that moment) it was the very one Nymphadora Tonks chuckling at him.

"I'm sorry I scared you." she said in her sing-song voice and stepped closer to him.

"What are you doing here?" Remus whispered, reprimanding her.

"Oi, I got bored. Scoot over, would you? Let's sit down together." she stepped even closer, and pushing Remus's chest with her tiny hand, she sat down in Remus's spot, making him sit down beside her a little in front of the tree trunk that was suppose to keep them hidden.

"You shouldn't leave your post." Remus said.

"Relax, mate." Tonks said, trying different postures to find the one she was more comfortable in. "I patrolled the area fifteen minutes ago. There was nothing worth reporting."

"Are you this irresponsible as an Auror too?" Remus asked. Tonks stopped fidgeting and turned to look at him, a fire in her eyes.

"I am not irresponsible!" she whispered madly. "I can do my job properly, Remus. I told you I scanned the area, and I placed several charms around the castle, over the ones Dumbledore has already placed, and what's more, Mad Eye told me to take it easy!"

"I still don't like people who neglect their work." Remus whispered back, crossing his arms above his chest. He could taste the bitterness in his own voice, but he couldn't help it. Whenever Tonks was involved, he was suddenly angry at the world.

"Listen, you little wolf man, I am in no way neglecting my work!" Tonks said a bit louder. "I-I don't- this is ridiculous! I don't have to give you an explanation, if my boss is fine with my performance as an Auror, then it should be fine with you too!"

"If something happens to Harry, you'll have to answer to Sirius, then!" Remus spat, turning pointedly at Tonks. When he looked at her face, his heart melted away: she had hard eyes, her brows knotting, her chest heaving from the anger, her cheeks flushed. She looked completely alive and real. It immediately popped into Remus's mind that this girl was complete, she was whole, she knew what was life about, and she didn't doubt it. He envied her, he strived to know too.

"Nothing's gonna happen to him. Or us. I'll keep everybody safe." she said, casting her eyes down and taking a deep breath.

"I believe you." Remus whispered, turning his face away in embarrassment.

"You should, Remus Lupin." she humped, crossing her arms above her chest. They sat in silence for a little while, listening to the wilderness and feeling the sharp cold air in their faces. Remus had managed to end all conversation again. Had he always been so curt? He used to be popular among his girl friends back at Hogwarts. He even remember James asking him how could he have enamoured all those girls without meaning to. After Hogwarts he kind of lay low because of his problem, and meeting women proved to be a little difficult when you worked at the weirdest parts of the Wizarding World. If it had not been for James's friendship, he would have been homeless and sketchier than the average werewolf. The first Order of the Phoenix had also managed to keep him afloat, but meeting nice girls there was even more difficult. At least at Knockturn Alley he met interesting witches that wanted to bang him, although those were not the type to introduce to his father.

"Are you always this cranky, Mr. Lupin?" Tonks asked after a long while.

"I'm usually not the funny bloke either." Remus answered, his eyes glued to the still flickering lights in the towers.

"I've seen you with Sirius, you know?" Tonks began, her voice was softer then, and Remus understood she was not mad anymore. "I've seen how you laugh with him at his petty jokes, or how you talk with him about the things you've seen and the people you've met. Those stories, those facial expressions are not of a grumpy man either."

"What are you implying?" Remus asked, afraid to turn his head and see her face submerged in the moonlight.

"Nothing, really." Tonks voice was smaller than before, like she was about to say something he couldn't hear. "I just wondered why were you mad at me."

"I'm not mad at you, Nymphadora." he said, sighing. "I don't really know you, so I don't have that much to say to you. That's all."

"Come on, Remus. I'm right here willing to get to know you and you don't give me the chance."

"Why?" he simply asked. A sudden chill ran down his spine, making him shiver.

"Do I have to have a reason to be your friend? We see each other all the time, it's logical for us to be friends."

"We could never be friends." Remus stated.

"I don't see why not."

"We can't be friends after _that_." Remus felt his face betraying him and coloring a bit.

"After what?" Tonks asked innocently.

Remus stiffen at her comment. Could it be that she didn't even remember? No, she remembered just fine, maybe not the tiniest details, but Remus knew she remembered the gist of it. She had been pretty lucid that night, she had been the one taking the reins, it was not possible she wouldn't remember. She was pretending it didn't happen. Did she consider it a mistake? Was she really so repulsed by the idea of having kissed him and seen him naked? Remus suddenly felt vulnerable, as if his feelings were something to be embarrassed by. It had never crossed his mind that Tonks might be ashamed of it, of him. But now that it was extremely obvious she was pretending it didn't happen, it was pretty evident what she thought of him. He was so much older, his hair was thinning, his body was covered in scars, his preferences were more inclined to his father's age group than to Tonks's. Of course she was pretending it didn't happen.

"Forget it." Remus finally mumbled. "The point is we don't need to be friends."

"Friendship is not about needing, it's more about wanting." Tonks said, touching Remus's shoulder. "I want to be your friend."

"Are you always this insistent?"

"Is it working?" she laughed. "Fine. I won't bother you any longer. But, you know, we still have about six hours to kill before sunrise and it wouldn't kill you to talk to me."

"We are talking." Remus spat.

"In a friendlier way…" Tonks shifted her position a bit, so she was mere centimeters away from Remus.

"Alright. For the sake of tonight, let's pretend to be best friends and talk." Remus finally conceded.

Tonks laughed again, stretching her legs and bumping Remus's side with her shoe. He heard her as she mumbled something under her breath and then proceeded to crack her fingers.

"Shall we patrol the area?" she said, getting up the grass. Remus turned to look at her then, she was towering over him and because of the bright half moon, he saw her piercing eyes mischievously expecting his answer.

"We were told to stay on post." he said, turning back to look at the castle. The lights in the common rooms were a deep orange by then, which meant the fires were no longer being stroke because everybody had already gone to bed.

"We can't see the other side of the grounds from here. And don't tell me you don't want to go exploring for old time's sake?" she said, nudging his shoulder.

Remus was torn between following her or remain sitting there. He has always been that way, he wanted to be good, behave properly so that nobody would notice him, but at the same time he wanted to go on adventures and do what he wanted. It was a good thing that Remus is a true Gryffindor and at the sight of a choice, he was always going to choose the most adventurous one.

"Fine." he said standing up, too. "But we'll come back right after scanning the area."

"Oh," Tonks said, smirking. "we'll see."

"You are truly impossible, Nymphadora." he said, glancing sideways at her.

"Stop calling me that!" she said, punching him playfully on the shoulder and sticking her tongue out.

They circled the skirts of the Forbidden Forest, taking their time with every suspicious sound or light that came out of it. But mostly, they were in silence. It was a kind of silence that came with the awkwardness of not knowing what to say, one that Remus was starting to know too well around Tonks. After they had emerged at the other side of the castle, Tonks turned towards the main door, going slowly through the Lake's shore.

"Listen, Remus." she began, turning to him with those big round eyes. "I've been meaning to ask you something for quite awhile."

"Don't ask me about _that_." he mumbled embarrassed.

"What?" she asked, for she had not heard his mumbles.

"What is it?"

"Do you remember that night in the summer that we stayed drinking with Sirius?" she asked, looking at his face. He froze in his place. He had thought she was not going to talk about it, but there she was, introducing the topic without a warning.

"Yes." he said, and kept walking, looking down so she wouldn't see his shame.

"Do you remember what happened when we left the kitchen?" she asked. They were standing in front of the main door by then, Remus was feeling trapped, they had nowhere else to go, and she had cornered him with her words.

"Listen, maybe it is not my place to ask, and I don't say it will be wrong, I usually don't care about this stuff, but…" she trailed off, inspecting the door and then looking out to the grounds. "Let's talk inside."

She pushed the door open, looking inside for signs of people. They were not suppose to enter the castle, Harry was not suppose to know they were there to protect him. But she stepped inside anyway. The castle was extremely quiet, not even the slightest sound was heard, and as their steps echoed through the Entrance Hall, Remus was thinking madly about what Tonks wanted to ask.

"What did you want to ask?" Remus whispered, in the hopes of restoring his mental peace. She motioned for him to be quiet, and on her tiptoes she skipped until they both were in the hallway that led to the kitchens.

"I want to see my common room again. Just for a little bit." she said, smiling broadly once they were out of sight from the Entrance Hall.

"Just tell me, already." he said, trying not to sound too exasperated by her silence. He was long past feeling worry about being found out in a place he was not suppose to be by Dumbledore's orders, he just needed to know what this girl wanted to ask him.

"I'm trying to think of a way to say it that won't sound accusatory." she said, her hand touching the wall, as if she could remember via osmosis what it felt like to be a student.

"You're making it worse." he spat, his annoyance taking the best of him.

"I just wanted to ask about what Sirius said." she said at last.

"Sirius?" Remus felt air escaped his lungs as he realised he was holding his breath. "What's Sirius got to do with anything?"

"When you were taking his clothes off just before he passed out, he said something, and I don't want to misunderstand…"

"It's probably what you are thinking." Remus said, dismissing the subject.

"What?!" Tonks exclaimed, her face blushed a little, she stopped dead on her tracks, turning to look at Remus with incredibly big eyes. "Then you two…?"

"Us two, what?" Remus asked, a bit perplexed at her reaction.

"I mean, there's nothing wrong about it, it just seemed a little weird, and it's a bit…" she said, lowering her eyes and continuing her way to the kitchens.

"What exactly are you thinking?" he grabbed her shoulder with tenderness, trying to make her look his way again. He missed those eyes whenever he didn't see them.

"You two dated…?" she asked awkwardly.

"What?" Remus let go a big hearty laugh, that could have probably woken up a bunch of students, but the thought of him dating another bloke was completely mental.

Tonks was startled, she started hushing him, desperately motioning with her hands and facial expressions to shut up. But Remus kept laughing, albeit a bit quieter than the beginning. He felt so much lighter now that he knew what Tonks was afraid of asking, so he kept laughing away, his heart lifting up.

"I get it now." she said, walking away from him to the kitchens again. "I was wrong."

"I'm sorry." he said, the last of his laughter dying down. "I didn't mean to laugh."

"What did he mean when he said that, then?" she asked, turning her head to him.

"You were partly right, but not in the way you think." Remus stated, touching her shoulder again. He could get use to the light contact: making her turn around to face him, making her look at him with those big honest eyes of hers. "Sirius did confess his love for me when we were sixteen."

"So he…!" she began in a pretty loud voice, but then she looked around and whispering she said: "So Sirius is gay?"

"No." Remus said, touching now her arm to motion her to keep walking. "I think he felt sorry for me: I was a werewolf, and I couldn't tell anybody my secret, I was always afraid. He spent time with me, trying to make me feel comfortable, trying his very best to be a good friend to me. And I was so grateful for that, I wanted to make it up to him, so I tried to be the best of friends to him too, and it was not like what he had with James, it was different. He was always messing around with James, but we showed each other how we really were, we could count on each other to say things we couldn't tell everybody else. I guess feelings got messed up a bit. He fell in love with me."

"So he is gay?" she asked again, confused.

"No." Remus let out a nervous laugh. "Don't go too far and label him into being gay or not. He just fell in love, he didn't fall in love with me as a man, he fell in love with me as a person. He struggled with these feelings for most part of our sixth year, until one day I found him almost crying in our dormitory and he confessed his feelings and his doubts. I told him I loved him very much as a friend, but I couldn't correspond his feelings. He just nodded along and didn't say a word. I don't know what happened or how he felt after that, but he claims those feelings have been gone for over 18 years. To my knowledge, he has never fallen in love with another bloke after that, and he has never dated one for that matter. You heard his story about losing his virginity, not the fake one, mind, the real one, she was the beginning of a hearty sum of other girls that he has slept with.

"Don't tell him I told you this." Remus said, suddenly feeling ashamed. "I promised I wouldn't tell anyone, and…"

"Am I the only one you've told this?" Tonks asked, a mischievous grin spreading over her face. Remus immediately cursed his loose tongue. How could he be so careless?

"Yeah." Remus replied slowly, looking ahead.

"I'm glad." Tonks whispered and then she skipped some paces and with glee she said: "It's here."

Remus looked around but he could only see a stack of barrels at the corner of the corridor. He recognised the portrait of the fruits that led to the kitchens a few paces behind. He knew the Hufflepuff common room was near the kitchens, but he never imagined how close or how to enter it, one of the only places left undiscovered by the Marauders. He saw as Tonks went to the stack of barrels and tapped the second one from the bottom with a particular rhythm and the lid swung open, revealing a passage that one must crawl through.

"Come on, Remus." she said, winking at him. "You're about to make history."

"What are you saying?" he asked, following her through the passage.

"No one that's not been sorted into Hufflepuff has entered this common room for the last thousand years!" she said, getting excited. It was a short passage, they merely crawl for a couple seconds, and then it led to a circular chamber. When Remus finally managed to climb out and smelled the air, a strong scent of flowers and sunshine invaded his nose.

"Welcome to the Hufflepuff basement." Tonks whispered, walking to the center of it and circling around in her axis, trying to see as much of it as she could.

Remus felt warm all over: there were plants hanging from the low ceiling, adorning the walls. Thick rugs covered the whole floor, and over those rugs, huge comfy armchairs and sofas lay inviting. Above the huge fireplace at the far end of the entrance, a portrait of Rowena Ravenclaw snoozed away. If Hogwarts was his home during his adolescent years, he could imagine the Hufflepuff basement being the home of hundreds of children.

"This is amazing." he murmured, walking over to Tonks to admire the rest of the room.

"Over here," Tonks whispered, skipping to one of the armchairs and sitting down in it, glee plastered on her sweet face. "Toby Periwinkle gave me my first kiss."

"Were you popular with boys, then?" Remus asked casually.

"Oh, not at all." she said, making a face. "They all thought I was too weird to date me. I had a bunch of friends, they all thought I was hilarious. But all boys seemed to find me repulsive."

Remus felt bile go up his throat. How could some idiotic boys miss how truly awesome and attractive Tonks was? If he had been in Hogwarts at the time, he would have fallen in love with her too. _What am I thinking right now?_ , Remus thought, shaking his head.

"He kissed me on a dare." Tonks declared, smiling happily at him. "I was just glad to end my lip virginity."

"That's kind of…" Remus trailed off, not wanting to burst Tonks's bubble. He came over to her and sat down on the couch next to her. The couch was small for two people, so their shoulders were touching, and their arms were resting practically one on top of the other.

"And over there," Tonks signaled to one of the large tables next to the fireplace. "is where I used to sit down and play Exploding Snap with my friends. We used to sort out Every Flavor Beans into a "disgusting" and a "delicious" pile, and whoever lost had to take one from the "disgusting" one."

"We used to grab a bunch each at random and ate it. Whoever spat out their share first had to carry everyone's backpacks for the week." Remus said, a laugh in his voice. "It was usually Peter who lost."

"Pettigrew?" Tonks asked, surprised.

"Yeah." Remus said, his smile fading away. "Look at what kind of person he became. If you had told me back then that he would betray us all, I would have not believe it."

"Power and money can corrupt even the purest of souls." she answered, patting the back of his hand.

"I don't think his soul was as pure as I thought back then. Maybe none of us was."

"What do you mean?"

"When we went out of Hogwarts, I went through some dark times. I became someone else, and at the heart of the war, I started to get suspicious." Remus said, feeling how a brick was getting out of his chest. "I doubted Sirius, I was almost convinced he was the traitor. So when You-Know-Who killed… I didn't even blink when Sirius was taken to Azkaban."

"He was innocent." Tonks said quietly.

"I know that now." Remus turned his head to face her. Her big round eyes were piercing his soul, he could feel them poking around his moral, exploring with patience and passion his very identity. "But I spent 12 years of my life feeling betrayed and hurt and alone. And when the truth finally came out, I was so ashamed of ever doubting him so much. He was Sirius, not some stranger, and yet I was sure he had betrayed us all."

Tonks squeezed his hand, and then slowly laid her head on his shoulder. Both of them sat there, hearing each other breathing. Remus was grateful for the silence, and at the same time he was marveled at how easily Tonks had comprehended that he just needed somebody to tell it to, not advice or a reprimand, he just needed to say it out loud. _She is wiser than her years,_ Remus thought.

"You're the only one I've told this to." Remus whispered.

"It's fine. I can keep all your secrets." she said, sighing. Her head was still placed on his shoulder, so he felt the hairs on his arm standing up from her breathing.

"We should get even." Remus whispered again, turning his face so he could see the top of her hair. "Now you tell me one of your secrets."

"I've already told you one. Nobody knew about Toby Periwinkle." she said giggling.

"Then tell me another one. You need to tell me two so we can get even." he said, squeezing her hand. Was he flirting with her? Was she flirting back? She lifted her head and looked at him, assessing his expression. She smiled tenderly and then looked around.

"I used to fantasise about losing my virginity right in front of the fireplace." she said, a smirk making its way to her face.

"That's your big secret?" he asked, raising his brows.

"I can't think of anything else!" she cried. "Plus, it _is_ a secret. I've never told anyone that."

Remus laughed, joviality invading his whole body. As much as the beginning of the evening had been painful and uncomfortable, at that point his bad mood was completely forgotten. As much as he wanted to stay away from her, her energy kept making him look and feel and laugh and love.

"I'll take it, then." Remus said, his laugh still booming in his ribcage.

"Who's there?" they heard a voice calling from the fireplace, and they turned to look at the portrait that hung over it. "Students out of bed?"

Remus and Tonks sprang out of the couch, and he pushed her towards the exit, avoiding making a sound and wishing the darkness in the Hufflepuff basement was enough to hide them from the portrait's old eyes. Tonks grabbed his hand as they were escaping, and just as quickly and quietly as they had come in, they were already out.

"That was so close!" Tonks whispered in an excited tone.

"It's been awhile since I've run away from a portrait." Remus laughed. They both walked towards the Entrance Hall again, feeling content with themselves, the adrenaline rushing down.

At first Remus was comfortable with the silence, their footsteps echoing mercilessly on the paved floor. But as they exited the kitchens' hallway, he started to miss her voice. Could it be that he was even more in love with her now than before? He thought hard about something to say to her so he could rekindle their conversation, but the only thing that came to mind was what they had just discussed.

"Were you very surprised about Sirius?" Remus asked her, peeking at her profile.

"What about him?" she asked absentmindedly.

"About… his first love?" Remus tried again.

"Oh." Tonks exclaimed. She laughed a little in a nervous manner, and then she said: "I didn't really care about him."

"Then why did you ask?" Remus said, confused.

"Because of you." she said simply.

Remus was about to ask her why was she so interested in him, his heart beating furiously once again. But just as his lips opened up, they heard footsteps at the end of the hall they were walking in.

"Someone's coming!" Tonks whispered frantically. They rushed towards one of the suits of armor that plagued the hall, and without thinking (Remus knew the passage was there from his time as a Marauder, and Tonks had sneaked out of bed enough to figure out almost all suits of armor guarded a crook on the wall), they both ducked into a thin secret passage on the wall. The passage was so thin that they were almost touching each other, their breathing agitated. Remus couldn't take his eyes off of her, he inspected her pink shiny hair in the thin moonlight, the softness of her skin, the fullness of her lips. Even if he wanted to, he just couldn't make his eyes look away.

"Why do you care about me?" Remus whispered, it was almost a sigh and he couldn't be sure she had listened. Tonks turned her head to look at him, a bit startled by how close he was, and then she looked out the passage, to make sure the footsteps were not coming closer.

"Let's just say," she began, and then she turned her honest eyes directly to his. "I'm glad you're not gay."

"Why?" he asked again. He was dying to touch her, the heat of her skin was making his stomach churn, the glinting of her eyes was making him shiver.

"He's getting closer." she said in an even softer voice.

"Why are you glad?" Remus asked again.

"I…" she hesitated in her answer. She turned to look out the passage again, waiting for another sound, but the footsteps had subsided and her face was becoming redder by the moment.

"Why do you think I took your clothes off last time?" she stated, finally turning her eyes towards him.

He couldn't control it. He was as hypnotize by her presence, it had been fine all evening, but having her so close, and listening to her breathing, knowing she was attracted to him, that was too much. He grabbed both sides of her face, and quickly and effectively, he took her lips between his, inserting his tongue in her mouth, and kissing her with the same passion he had showed her that time in the summer when they almost became one.

She responded to his affection right after recovering from the surprise. Her small hands grabbed his arms, pulling herself with them to crush her lips to his with even more force. And when she couldn't press her face to his any further, her arms wrapped around his neck, pressing her whole body to his. He lowered his hands, immediately hugging her by the waist, squeezing her frame and pushing her towards the wall right behind her. Remus had never felt like that in his entire life: a sorrowful melody invaded his chest, threatening to spill out. But it was not unpleasant, it felt nostalgic and deep. _Home,_ he thought.

"What the bloody hell are you two doing?" they heard a contained voice right beside them, making them jump.

Snape was watching them with furious eyes, hovering over them like a vulture. Remus immediately felt ashamed. He helped Tonks out of the passage and just as he was about to say something, Snape cut him out.

"I received a report from one of the portraits that there were students out of bed." he began in a nosy voice, trying to maintain his anger under control. "I was expecting a couple of sixth years maybe snogging in a cupboard. But to my bloody surprise, I found you two in their stead."

"We can explain." Tonks said, in a soft voice.

"No," Snape snapped. "you better shut up, Miss Tonks. You were a troublemaker back in the day, I hoped your two years in Auror training had shaped you out of your misdemeanors."

"Come on, Severus, you're be-"

"And you!" Snape said, focusing his tunnel-like eyes towards Remus. "You should be ashamed. She's practically a child. I'm disgusted."

"I am _not_ a child!" Tonks retorted, her hair turning a nasty shade of red.

"I beg to differ, Miss Tonks." Snape snapped again. "Only a child could be so irresponsible as to leave her post."

"Severus," Remus tried to reason with him. "We were just outside, we came to take a look inside to make sure everything was fine. We were just about to return to our posts."

"Right, and I am the Fat Lady." Snape said sardonically. "Just go already. The headmaster will hear about this."

Remus and Tonks scurried away out of the castle. At the entrance, Remus took off without even saying a word. He didn't want to talk about it, he didn't want her to think too much about what had just happened either. Remus knew Snape was right, he should feel disgusted and ashamed of his feelings for Tonks. He returned to his post, sitting down between the rock and the tree trunk. He watched the half moon for some minutes, contemplating his options, and just as it hid behind the castle and the first rays of sunshine touched his skin, he decided he needed to forget about her.

 **A/N: Hi! Is the story getting interesting? Please review and I promise I will try my best to keep the updates flowing nicely. I wanted to say something about Sirius's sexual preferences: I kind of am a big shipper of the whole Remus/Sirius affair, but I also love to keep my fanfictions as cannon as possible, so it kind of turned out like that. Remus and Tonks are probably my favorite HP couple so I really wanted to write about them, so that little love confession from Sirius to Remus was my nod towards that other fanthom. And speaking about making things cannon, I am still undecided about this story's ending. Should I go for a more happy ending? Thank you for reading this and I hope you're liking it so far!**


	3. The Merry

**A/N: Dear readers, I am so incredibly sorry that this has taken me more than a year to write. I am not planning in abandoning it, even if updates are slow, rest assure that I am writing, and I am definitely going to see this through the very end. Enjoy and please tell me what you think!**

The Merry

Remus Lupin knocked on Grimmauld Place's door on Christmas Eve morning, hoping somebody would answer. He shuffled nervously on the balls of his feet, closing his thin jacket even more against his chest. White mist went out of his mouth as he breathed. He knocked again, imagining all his friends at The Burrow. _I thought they were coming here,_ Remus thought, shivering, preparing to leave.

"Where are you going, Remus Lupin?" he heard a comfy voice behind him as he had turned to leave.

"Molly." he sighed, and turned to face her. She wrapped her arms tightly around him and with a bone-crushing hug she let him in. Remus winced as Molly squeezed him.

"Where have you been, dear?" Molly asked, leading him through the corridor where Sirius's mum's portrait was snoring loudly. "You went out to your mission two months ago!"

"I ran into unexpected circumstances." Remus said, wincing once again when Molly grabbed his arm.

"Oh, dear." she said, preoccupation seeping to her face. "Look at your clothes and your face! You didn't have that many scars on your face when you left!"

"Don't worry about it, Molly. I just want to rest for a bit." Remus said, shivering from head to toe.

"Oh, Remus. Let me get you some hot soup." she said, grabbing his arm again. Remus groaned painfully. "Oh, dear, what's wrong with your arm?"

"I think it might be broken." he said, sighing, trying to keep his coolness.

"Broken?!" Molly shrieked. The portrait that had been snoozing until then, suddenly woke up, throwing retorts and screams into the air. "Get into the library, I'll get the Common Magical Ailments and Afflictions book."

"Molly, please…" Remus pleaded, as he knew Molly was famous for messing up healing charms. But she was already on her way to the kitchen, ignoring his pleas.

Remus entered the library filling his nostrils with the familiar cinnamon scent that characterised Christmas. He looked around, mistletoe was hanging from the doorframe that led to the kitchen where he could hear everybody talking and laughing. He flopped onto the couch, wincing once again at the pain that he couldn't manage anymore. It had been almost two days since he had broken his arm, but he couldn't get away, it would have been suspicious if he were to leave then.

"I heard you did it good this time, mate." Remus heard Sirius's voice from the door he had just went through.

"Hello, Padfoot." Remus greeted his friend with a sigh. "It's just my arm."

"Well, you ought to be glad I intercepted Molly with her wretched book on her way here." he laughed, sitting down beside him on the couch. "You look like hell, Moony."

"One tends to look that way when one lives with a bunch of werewolves for months." Remus declared, feeling the warmth of the lit fireplace finally making its way to his body.

"Let me see the wound." Sirius said, getting his wand from his robes.

" _You_ are going to mend it?" Remus asked with apprehension, getting the top button of his cardigan before thinking it better.

"Oi," Sirius said, widening his eyes. "I can call Molly back for all I care."

"Fine," Remus said, laughing. "You do it, then."

Remus unbuttoned his cardigan slowly first, the fingers in his good arm delicately getting each, caressing the cheap plastic with infinite patience. As he unbuttoned, he realised it was the first time in more than two months that he was doing something with patience and taking his time. As much as he was a werewolf too, he felt human among them. After his cardigan was done, he slipped his t-shirt over his head, feeling the cold atmosphere hit him square on the chest.

"Fuck, man." Sirius exclaimed, once Remus's shirt was removed. He contemplated the deep bruising that extended from Remus's shoulder, through his elbow and all the way to his wrist. Remus could barely move it then and having Sirius inspecting the wound was making his eyes water from the pain. "How did this happen?"

"You know the werewolves, mate." Remus said, wincing as Sirius turned his hand and inspected the other side. "They'd rather go feral, than tame."

"But this is mental."

"It's just usual werewolf behavior. Some odd man was trying to challenge the leader of the pack. There was a war going on, and not only on the full moon, these fights are wilder once we return into our human forms." Remus said, explaining what he had seen the last two months.

"Fuck, mate." Sirius said again, getting his wand from his cardigan pocket. "What happened to your arm, then?"

"Long story…" Remus began wincing once more from the pain as Sirius probed his arm with his wand. But just when he was about to relate his story, Harry, Ron, and Hermione came into the library.

"Professor, what happened?" Hermione asked, gaping at his bruised arm.

"Mum told us you had arrived and were a bit bruised, but…" Ron said.

The twins Apparated into the room, and turning towards Remus, they instantly exclaimed: "Blimey!"

"Happy Christmas to you too." Remus laughed and just then, Sirius tap his elbow with his wand and cried: "Episkey!"

Remus groaned loudly, as he felt the bones of his arm readjusting and snapping back together, returning to its original shape.

"Wicked!" the twins exclaimed at the same time, the rest of the kids averting their eyes from the moving bones.

"You mut!" Remus exclaimed once he had regained his speech after the wave of pain that followed Sirius's charm. "You should've waited until I was ready!"

"It was easier this way!" Sirius defended himself, raising his arms and wand in a defensive manner. "I know you, my friend, you are a coward about my healing charms."

"Well your bloody charms are painful!" Remus exclaimed, holding his arm and rubbing it delicately.

"Language in front of the kids!" Molly exclaimed, while getting in from the kitchen. She carried a thin flask with a green liquid in it, that looked dangerously like one of her failed healing potions. "Remus Lupin, you should know better, they were all your students."

"It's fine, Molly, some cursing won't hurt them when there is a war going on." Sirius said, grabbing Remus's arm again and probing it again with his wand. "Ferula!" Bandages and a splint wrapped instantly on Remus's arm, fixing it in the right position.

"And some good manners won't hurt them, either!" she huffed, sending a murderous glance towards the twins that had been snickering behind her back. "Here, Remus, dear, drink this."

Remus took the flask with uneasiness, he inspected the color and then the smell. "You made this, Molly?" he hesitated.

"No, for Merlin's sake," she said, crossing her arms. "Tonks made it. I know I can't make a healing potion for the life of me."

"Tonks's here?" Remus asked, gulping down the potion without even thinking.

"Oh yes, she's cleaning up the kitchen. She'll come and say hi to you in a moment." Molly turned to look at her children and pursed her lips. She tried to soften her voice and said: "Kids, why don't you go and get ready to see Dad at St. Mungo's. I'll go in a second."

"But we wanted to know what happened to Professor Lupin." Ron said, earning a glare from his mother.

"That's Order business, you're better off not knowing." she said, and kicked them out of the room, as the twins and Harry protested that they wanted to be part of the Order too.

"Why is Arthur at St. Mungo's?" Remus asked Molly once the kids were locked away.

"Never mind that." She said, sitting down beside Remus on the couch. "I wanted to talk to you about something else."

"Molly, I don't think now's the time." Sirius mumbled, a smile playing his lips.

"Now is as good a time as ever." she said, shushing him. "Severus told us that he saw you."

"When? What do you mean, Molly?" Remus asked, mildly surprised at her statement. He could imagine what Severus had said, it had been the last night he spend among wizards.

"Oh, you know what I'm talking about." Molly insisted, "He saw you and Tonks… inside the castle. And I am in favor of love and being together in dire times, you know that, but I really must ask… Is it serious?"

"Is what serious?" Remus feigned innocence. The tingling in his stomach was not new to him now. He clearly was aware of his ever growing feelings. Why was Nymphadora Tonks so damn lovable? For the last two months he had thought in more than one occasion about those almond-shaped eyes while falling asleep. And although he had tried to downside his infatuation, those months apart had only reinforced from afar what he was denying upclose. Yes, he was in love with her: her easy manner, her kindness, the way she didn't judge him, the fact that she couldn't stop smiling even in the darkest of times. She was a ray of sunshine that he couldn't stop bathing in.

"Remus Lupin," Molly said suddenly serious. "If you hurt this girl I'll hunt you down! She has been through enough already, she doesn't need anyone messing with her heart right now!"

"Molly, calm down." Remus said, holding his good arm up, feeling an imminent chill run down his spine. "I'm not playing with anybody."

"Severus said you were _kissing_ inside the castle!" Molly exclaimed in an accusatory manner. "She's just a child and-"

"She's not a child."

"I'm not a child!" Remus and Tonks had spoken simultaneously. She was peeking half her body from the kitchen door, a frown on her face. But as she scanned the room, her frown softened and she sighed.

"He didn't kiss me, Molly." Tonks said, walking to them. She sat down beside Sirius, turning her body towards Molly. "I kissed him."

"Oh," Molly was a bit taken aback. " I didn't mean to…"

"It's fine. Thanks for worrying, but there is nothing to worry about. It was definitely not serious." Tonks stated with extreme confidence.

"If that's the case…" Molly mumbled apologetically.

"I am the one playing games right now." Tonks said, looking straight to Remus. Their eyes met for an instant, and then Remus lowered his eyes, feeling his face reddening. He suddenly felt embarrassed without a shirt on.

"Oh," Molly threw her arms to the air. "I'll never understand you, Tonks. I thought something completely different."

She turned to leave as Tonks directed her best cheeky smile at her. Remus heard as she called for the kids and took them outside. Sirius was still smiling suspiciously, looking from Tonks to Remus.

"What you lookin at, cuz?" Tonks broke the silence.

"Oh," Sirius giddily said, clasping his hands together. "I think we'll be having a very happy Christmas this year."

"Shut up…" Tonks mumbled. Clearly Remus was out on the joke. He could tell Sirius had something on his mind, and it most likely involved himself, but he had no energy to even start thinking about it. In fact, since Molly's departure, his chest was feeling a bit stuffy.

He stood up, getting his filthy shirt and cardigan from the couch. It was still before noon, and he figured he could get some well deserved hours of sleep before dinner.

"There is a meeting before dinner. The Order wanted to meet today so we'll have tomorrow free." Sirius called out to him, obviously knowing where he was headed.

"I'll just take a shower and nap for a couple hours." Remus clarified, walking straight to the kitchen door. Just as he was about to reach it, he felt a small hand clasp his shoulder.

"Want some help?" Tonks asked him from behind.

Remus had meant to turned her down gently and smile at her for her kindness, he really did. But when he turned around to face her, his chest abruptly contracted, his heart hammered furiously inside it. He was angry, but he couldn't think why.

"No. I'm fine." he spat the words at her, shrugging her hand off with a violence he was not use to. Tonks took a step back from him, as he did from her, both of them shocked by his reaction.

"Alright." Tonks said softly, her eyebrows frowning in confusion.

"I'll do it myself." Remus quickly mumbled, practically running for the door. He climbed the stairs as rapidly as his arm and overall bruises allowed him, and when he finally reached his room, he locked the door behind him. Why was he angry about exactly?

He took a deep breath and headed to the bathroom, where months ago, Tonks had stood in naked. He shook his head to try and forget the memory of her perfect body standing right in front of him. If he had allowed himself to fully remember that night, he would have pictured the swollen flesh from her breasts, her perky nipples standing proud with lust, the light brown small mole adorning her taunt stomach just above her navel. If he had allowed himself to remember, he would have seen her sparkly white teeth from her ever-present smile, the way she looked at him with longing and admiration, the way her gaze kept wandering from his manhood to his eyes.

Instead, Remus opened the hot water tap, and let the tub fill up to the rim with steamy water. He looked at himself in the reflection of the mirror while undressing, carefully letting down his ripped jeans and pants, inspecting how his face had changed in just two months. He felt like a different man, he was no longer the Remus Lupin who feared the unknown. He had seen the unknown and that terrified him even more.

He submerged his mangled body inside the water, letting his legs relax, and his erratic breathing come to an even pace. He lowered his body as to recline his head at the rim of the tub, wanting to fall asleep. But after some minutes, his head was still full of thoughts and sleepiness was nowhere close to claiming him.

Being a werewolf involved some sense of wildness that he didn't want to possess, and watching people he had come to know change so drastically at the full moon, made him cringe. Was he like that when he transformed? Before, he had never asked himself that question, probably because he really didn't want to know the answer, he had never been in close proximity to other werewolves, it had been either alone, or with James, Sirius and Peter. But after watching so many of them together, fighting and killing each other, he began to wonder if being close to wizards and muggles at his transformation (even with the potion and locked up) wouldn't be riskier than what he had always thought. He had debated in all those lonely nights if he should come back to Grimmauld Place at all. He still wondered if coming back had been a good idea. He understood then that he was not going to be able to turn back to the man he used to be before going to the werewolves. He was a monster, one that didn't deserve her.

Remus opened his eyes and with a wet hand, he cleaned his face from the tears that had silently spilled. He submerged himself up to his hair, and listened carefully to the echo if his heartbeat. He looked at his hands and legs, seeing how distorted they had become below the water. He looked at his broken (barely healed now) arm, and how the bruising was subsiding. Could he be like that? Was it possible to mend a broken soul?

He lifted himself off the water once his lungs were aching from the lack of oxygen. Panting, he flung his legs out of the tub, wrapped a towel around his middle, and drained the filthy water out. The question still lingered in his head as he dressed himself in clean, crisp clothes, as he pulled the covers from the bed and tucked himself in. The question was echoing still when he closed his eyes, and it was the last thought he had right before taking his well deserved nap: Can I unbruise my soul?

Eight hours later, he felt someone shaking him violently. He blinked rapidly, his eyes trying to adjust to the darkness, and then he saw Sirius hovering him with his manic grin.

"Wakey, wakey, little wolfie." he teased.

"Whaddisit? Whaddimeisit?" Remus said groggily.

"It's almost six, my friend. Almost all the Order is here to hear your report." he said, pulling the covers off him.

Remus grunted and turned to his side, trying to ignore Sirius's glee. He felt a sharp pain in the back from staying in the same position for too long.

"Come on, Moony. Your return is the most interesting thing that has happened to me in months. I really want to hear your report." Sirius said again, shaking his arm. Remus noticed his arm no longer ached, even though he was still wearing the splint Sirius had conjured up earlier.

"Five more minutes." Remus mumbled. "Let me at least feel rested."

"Maybe I'll just ask Tonks to come and fetch you. You seem to be a little more willing with her." Sirius half teased.

"Shut up!" Remus growled. He sat upright on the bed, glaring at Sirius, and forgetting his tiredness, he flung himself out of bed, struggling with the now useless splint.

"What?" Sirius said, following him to the bathroom, while Remus looked for a toothbrush. "Feeling nervous about her?"

"Not at all. You heard her, she's just fooling around." Remus said through clenched teeth, and then he introduced the toothbrush into his mouth, brushing furiously.

"Oh," Sirius said with a glint of amusement in his eye. "but you are not, my friend."

"I'm not doing anything." Remus mumbled through a mouthful of toothpaste.

"What exactly happened in the castle?" Sirius asked, reclining his back to the wall and looking at his friend with still amusement in his eyes.

"Nothing." Remus spat out the toothpaste and wiped his mouth with a towel. He turned to look at Sirius and with as much conviction as he could, he said: "It was just a bloody kiss."

Sirius sighed. He shook his head and walked to Remus. He grabbed his shoulder, and looking at him directly to his eyes he said: "I'm having a hard time taking the mickey out of you both."

"Shut up!" Remus shook Sirius's hand off and strolled to the bedroom, where he collected a chunky jumper and his shoes.

"I'm serious." Sirius said, still following him around. "You guys are so bloody constipated because of this that it's not even funny!"

"I'm not constipated." Remus said in a mad ranter. He walked to the door and opened it widely. "I don't care about it. Or her."

"Yes, of course." Sirius snorted, walking through the door before Remus could. As they climbed down the stairs, the voices of the Order members were becoming stronger. They had gathered in the kitchen, and as usual, the kitchen door was completely surrounded by red haired teenagers.

"Molly will flip if she finds you here." Remus said, walking through them.

"Use the library door, I don't think that one is soundproofed." Sirius offered with a wink. Immediately the teenagers sprung out of there.

"Molly always flips anyway." Sirius said unapologetically to Remus's glare.

As the door opened, the whole Order turned their heads to look at Remus. The chatter that had been going on subsided, and everyone took their seats around the table. As Remus scanned the crowd, he took in Snape's scowl and Minerva's look of disapproval at his mingled form, he could clearly discern Molly's worried looks, and the tension was palpable.

"What's going on?" he asked, suddenly feeling self conscious. "Where's Arthur?"

"Oh, it's nothing, dear-" Molly began, in her best mum voice.

"He was attacked by Lord Voldemort." Kingsley Shacklebolt said in a booming voice.

"I thought we were not going to tell him like that!" Molly flipped.

"See, she always flips." Sirius whispered in his ear.

"What do you mean? Is he alright?" Remus sat down at the nearest chair available and let out a worried sigh. He instinctively looked for Tonks, and as his eyes posed themselves in her warm light smile, he felt relieved.

"He's fine now." Molly quickly said.

"Thanks to Potter." Minerva added. "I've been telling Dumbledore that is too risky, but he never-"

"Dumbledore has his reasons." Snape cut her off.

"I agree with Minerva." Molly said. "He should have fetched you from the werewolves the minute Arthur was attacked."

"Then I would have died." Remus said calmly.

"What did you see?" Kingsley asked.

Remus turned his eyes again at Tonks. He noted the way her eyes had widened in wonder at what he was about to say. It was particularly beautiful the way her eyebrows knotted themselves when she was concentrating, the way her brown hair would brush her shoulders and frame her delicate cheekbones. He was mesmerized just looking at her, and at the same time he was choking up with the terrible words he didn't want to utter.

"Leave the bloke alone." Mad Eye Moody growled from the corner. Remus was surprised by his voice, and by the fact that he hadn't notice his presence before. "It must be hard to talk about it."

"Oh, I can only imagine…" Molly said apologetically.

"Greyback was not there." Remus finally managed to croak out.

"Our source told us he was hiding in that particular coven." Kingsley said.

"I'm not saying the source was wrong." Remus said more confidently. "He was just not there when I arrived."

"Then we're back to square one." Minerva pursed her lips. "It was all for nothing."

"No." Remus quickly said. "From what I could gather, he is preparing for something. The leader of the coven was ruthlessly seeking for someone. He was practically holding tryouts every full moon. He slaughtered dozens of werewolves when he was not happy with them. And then this one bloke came forward and tried to throw him off power, but it was all fruitless. I think it had something to do with Greyback."

"Who do you think he was seeking for?" Mad Eye said in a crisp voice.

"I'm not sure." Remus said, his gaze dropping to the table. "I heard an older witch talking to one of the men that were part of the leader's circle. She was trying to find her son. He had been bitten by Greyback some years back and she had entered the coven in search for him. The man just laughed, and told her that he had probably been already tried and murdered because he was unfit. The witch obviously pressed harder for the truth, but the man just told her that he was not fit to serve, and then he pushed her out of the way."

"That sounds like a fucking army." Sirius spat from behind Remus.

"What happened to your arm?" Tonks finally spoke in a soft voice. Remus turned his full attention to her, looking deeply into her big round eyes. He felt a tinge of anger in the pit of his stomach, again not knowing why.

"I tried to help. It was dark, the full moon had been covered by some thick clouds and in the midst of the battle, I interfered. You have to understand that in that state, we don't really recognise each other, we act based on instinct, but I heard those cries, they were ripping him apart, and I instinctively went in and fought with one of those... werewolves." Remus took a breath, he had been about to say monsters. And even though they were, he was a bit reluctant to use the word to describe someone that was exactly like him. "We managed to escape, my arm broken. I couldn't get away at that moment, they were looking for the werewolf that had barged in and helped, and they knew about the broken arm. So I had to hide. I stayed hidden for two days until they were done looking for me. They just assumed I was dead."

Remus felt a pang of shame invade his body as the words made their way out of his mouth. He had run away, instead of fighting his way out. He had been wounded, yes, but he should have stayed and fight for those who couldn't. He froze as he remembered one of the most important things he had found out at the full moon.

"There is something else…" he said onto the solemn silence that had reign the kitchen. "There was someone in there with the werewolves."

"Greyback?" Snape asked hopefully.

"No." he thought hard for a moment. Accessing the memories he had made while being transformed was a nightmarish task, he mostly remembered white and black flashes, and it was only after becoming man again that he could fully interpret those glances. "He was human."

"One of his followers?"

"I'm not sure. He was standing guarded by a fence, and he was watching the werewolves fight. I think I saw him… he was cursing at the losing werewolf, he killed someone. There was a jet of green, or at least I think it was green. And then the fight was over. That's why I came in to help, I knew someone was going to die." Remus said with extreme difficulty. His memories were slushing together, and his head was throbbing. He didn't realised he had been holding his head in his good hand for quite some time.

"Actually," Mundungus Fletcher said from a corner by the door. "I heard a report of someone lurking with werewolf's blood at Knockturn Alley. He was trying to sell it by the liter. He said he had gotten it directly from the source."

"The same man, I gather?" Kingsley asked.

"Oh, I wouldn't be so sure." Mundungus shook his head. "Werewolf's blood is only good at the full moon. If blood is extracted during any other night, it would be regular human blood. And this man, he was a tiny little thing, he wouldn't have been able to fight, no less kill, one during the full moon."

"Find out more about it." Kingsley said. "Ask that man directly if you can."

"If there was a man behind these tryouts. Isn't it safe to assume that they have returned to his side?" Minerva asked with a fearful voice.

"Death Eaters." Snape concluded. "They were all summoned already. And they have returned faithfully by his side."

"And have you?" Sirius lashed out at Snape.

"If your question is if I have reported with the Dark Lord, then the answer is yes. Dumbledore himself asked me to go. But if you must know, it wasn't willingly or faithfully."

"Fucking tosser." Sirius mumbled.

"What did you say, mut?" Snape asked in a harsh tone.

"I said you're a fucking tosser. Remus was out there almost getting killed trying to save someone, while you go and play house with your master." Sirius snarled, getting a hand on Remus's shoulder.

"And what are you doing?" Snape asked with a curled up smile. "Cleaning the house?"

"Fuck you, man. You've always been a fucking loser-"

"That's enough, Sirius." Remus said.

"He is!"

"And you're a joke, Black."

"That's enough, gentlemen." Kingsley held up his massive hands trying to calm down the situation.

"Why?" Sirius snarled again. Remus turned to look at him, and he was slightly reminded of that night at the Shrieking Shack when they almost killed Peter. "Let me tell him what I really think!"

"Mr. Black!" Minerva said in her teacher voice. "You say another word and I'll take you out of the meeting!"

"Listen to her, Black." Snape snarled, standing up slowly from his chair. "You wouldn't want to tempt me."

"You evil little fucker, you'd last two minutes against me." Sirius said, drawing his wand. "Is this what you want?"

"Sirius…" Remus warned, standing up too and taking his friend by the shoulder.

"Let him be, Sirius." Tonks said, standing up too and getting in front of her cousin. "He's just provoking you."

"He bloody well accomplished it." Sirius murmured.

"All right, gentlemen. Let's sit down, please." Kingsley said, his hands outstretched again and motioning for everyone to calm down.

The next few seconds happened so fast, that Remus just had time to see the flashes of light of different colors and hearing Molly scream and Tonks cursing and falling down to the ground. Then he saw Sirius frozen up on the floor, over Tonks, she was struggling with him, trying to push him off. Mad Eye came strutting over to her and spitting profanities, he helped Tonks up.

"Take the lad upstairs and unpetrify him once he calms down." Mad Eye instructed to Remus and Tonks.

"And you." Mad Eye continued, his mad eye looking straight to Snape. "Get out before I curse you too."

Snape curled up a nasty smile, and grabbed his cloak.

"I won't be having dinner, apparently, Molly. But thank you for the offer." he said, and walked straight over Sirius to the door.

"Watch it." Remus growled, and then he kneeled to grab Sirius's petrified form. His good arm tried to pull him up, but he was death weight and Remus couldn't even lift him in his weakened state. The room was flooded with protests and complains the minute Snape had gotten out of the room. Molly asked Kingsley for the hundredth time if Snape was trustworthy, Minerva asked for patience in behalf of Dumbledore, Mundungus told no one in particular that Snape gave him the creeps, and even Kingsley said he was unsure about the whole plan.

"Locomotor." Tonks casted. They were the only ones trying to help Sirius, and between raised voices and claims, they went out the kitchen, following Sirius's petrified form as it was floating in midair.

"Are you alright?" Remus asked Tonks once they were climbing up the stairs to Sirius's room.

"Of course," she said without looking back at him. She was guiding Sirius with her wand, bumping his head lightly with every step. "I've had bigger and heavier things falling down over me."

"You're hitting him on the head." Remus said casually.

"I know," she said as nonchalantly as Remus. "this tosser kind of deserves it."

Remus silently agreed, and kept walking up the stairs. They took Sirius to his room and set him on the bed. They watched him for several minutes, Remus's mind felt foggy and heavy.

Tonks unpetrified him against her better judgement. And as the curse faded away, Sirius immediately trashed and turned in an angry way.

"Who the fuck does he think he is?!" he tried to stand, but his limbs were wild and unresponsive. "Did you heard what he said? The fucking nerve he has to call _you_ that!"

"What did he say?" Remus asked, sitting down on the bed, suddenly tired with everything.

"He's a fucking wanker, man!" Sirius continued in a mad ranter, his legs finally responding and getting out of bed. "I'll curse the lights out of him! If it wasn't for Mad Eye, I would've taken him out!"

"He's gone. Mad Eye kicked him out." Tonks calmly said, sitting down on the bed beside Remus. Both of them watched as Sirius kept trashing the room with his gelatine arms.

"Mad Eye should have made _him_ a fucking ferret! He should have washed his mouth with soap! Fucking tosser!"

"Calm down, Padfoot." Remus said. "You know Snape by now. You're just going to sour your day if you keep-"

"He said you were a monster." Sirius interrupted, starring right at Remus.

"I am." Remus said simply, feeling the prick of tears and tiredness at the back of his eyes.

"Fucking tosser." Sirius mumbled again, ignoring completely what Remus had said. Sirius's arms were responsive again by then, and grabbing his wand from the bed, he went downstairs, stomping his feet and spitting profanities.

"You are not a monster." Tonks whispered to him. The air had become quiet and still. Remus didn't dare look up at her, he turned his attention to his worn-down shoes and frailed jeans. Tonks reached out to him, her hand delicately resting over his on the bed. Remus withdrew it slowly, not daring still to look up.

"You don't know what you're saying." Remus responded.

"I know." Tonks said, trying to reach out to him again. "I know you."

"Let's just go down to dinner, Nymphadora. Everyone's waiting." Remus stood up, still not looking at her.

"Remus." Tonks implored, but he didn't look back at her. He just walked out of the room, and went down stairs. Sirius was already gulfing down a plate of meat and vegetables. Molly was serving the plates and the teenagers were all sitting round the table, laughing and watching the twins making goofy spells.

"I heard you saved Arthur." Remus said to Harry, sitting down beside him.

"I didn't do anything." Harry said, embarrassed. "I just had a dream. I saw Voldemort's snake attacking Mr. Weasley, it's not the first time I dream what Voldemort is doing. I just warned Professor McGonagall."

"Even the smallest things can help, Harry. Arthur must be really thankful to you." Remus was a bit taken aback by what Harry had said. If he had a window to Voldemort's mind, he could only imagine that Voldemort could potentially have a window to Harry's mind too. He didn't dare mention it, but he was afraid for Harry.

"He's almost out of St. Mungus." Ron intervened in the conversation. "Mum reckons he'll be out before we go back to Hogwarts."

"Are you planning on going tomorrow?" Remus asked, feeling slightly guilty that he hadn't known about Arthur.

"Oh, yes." Molly said, giving him a big plate of meat and vegetables. His stomach instantly twirled with hunger. He realised at that moment that he hadn't had anything to eat in more that 48 hours. "We'll need to get him his Christmas presents."

"I want to go, too. I think he'll be happy to see that I'm safe." Remus stuffed his mouth with as much meat as he could, gulping it down heavily.

"I can stay here with Sirius." Tonks said, sitting down beside Ginny with a full plate, too.

"Oh, that'll be lovely, dear." Molly said, smiling warmly at her.

Remus ate his dinner with caution. He was desperate to get out of there as a splitting feeling made its way to the pit of his stomach. He was angry and confused and most of all, he wanted to avoid Nymphadora Tonks as much as possible. She kept looking for his eyes, and whenever they met, Remus looked back at his food. As dinner progressed, he couldn't help but guess at her mischievous face: he knew for a fact that Tonks was just fooling around, but she had been patiently waiting for him all those months. Was she that interested in him? He couldn't fathom why. He was poor, and a monster, and all reason was excruciatingly obvious to him as to why Tonks should just run away from him. And yet, she was still looking at him and inviting him with her eyes to please look at her too.

As dessert was just finishing, and the kids longingly began to stand up to the library to play Exploding Snap, Remus was suddenly reminded of that night in the summer when Sirius, Tonks, and him got drunk. He felt a whirlwind forming in his rif, he looked up at Sirius and he was in turn looking at was another problem. He cursed at the long friendship he had with the wizard, Sirius knew in an instant that his feelings for Tonks were deeper than what he led on. Sirius already knew he was completely in love with Tonks, and the bloke couldn't contain his happiness: now Sirius had the chance to mock Remus for all eternity.

"I think I'll retire early." Remus called out to no one in particular.

"Remus, dear," Molly said, standing up to take some flasks from the countertop. "drink this before falling asleep. And this one once you wake up."

She handed him the small flasks, one had a heavy blue liquid, and the other one was golden brown and runny. These looked well made, so he knew Tonks had been the one to produced them and not Molly. He thank her anyway, not looking at Tonks, and went up to bed, locking his bedroom door behind him.

"Remus." he heard a whisper coming from the other side of the wood. He instantly tensed at the sound of Tonks's voice wafting into the room.

"What is it, Nymphadora?" he asked, through the still closed door.

"Can I come in for a second?" she asked, rather timidly. _That doesn't suit her_ , Remus thought.

"What do you want?" he found himself asking with a rude tone.

"Molly gave you the wrong flasks." she said, rapping his door with her fingernails.

Remus sighed. He leaned his forehead on the wood, his insides completely churned. He wanted to open the door for her so badly, he wanted to kiss her, and carry her in his arms and slam her on the bed, rip her clothes off, and take her. Repeatedly. But as his hand went to the doorknob, he felt again that anger surging from his loins. He was mad and afraid, and he started to form a pretty clear picture as to why those emotions kept coming up.

"Just leave them there. I'll take them later." he said.

"Remus, please." Tonks begged, her voice cracking. "Please, just open the door."

Remus sighed again, and against his better judgement, he opened the door just a crack. Through the groove he saw her eyes, sparkling in the darkness, he was not sure if there were tears or just the brightness of the halfmoon casting on them, but he had the urge to kiss them.

"Can I come in?" she asked, quietly. In the distance, Remus could hear the uproar in the library: the kids (and he could discern Sirius's voice, too) were still playing Exploding Snap. Remus opened the door a bit wider to let her through, she was carrying a platter with two small flasks on it. One was a teal color, and the other one was olive green. He could see why Molly had gotten them mixed up.

"I wanted to ask you…" Tonks said, hesitantly. She set the platter on his night stand and sat on the bed, facing him. "you know, with everything that happened, I just wanted to make sure you were okay."

"I am fine." He said curtly.

"Remus," Tonks said softly. She shook her head, and covered her eyes. She sighed slowly. "I thought something had happened to you."

"Nymphadora, please." Remus begged. The ridge in his stomach was painfully cutting his insides. He was dying to reach out. But the anger and the pain and every other emotion was gluing him in place. "Just leave."

"Why are you like this?" she suddenly snapped, standing up. "I thought we were friends. That night in the castle, you-"

"It was a mistake. That night in the castle was a mistake. That night in the summer was an even bigger mistake."

"I don't believe that." she said, stepping closer to him. They were not even a meter apart, and Remus could discern the sun freckles splashed across her nose and cheekbones.

"What do you want from me?" he asked, the anger spilling through his mouth. He was angry at her, because to her it was just a game, a way to pass the time, she enjoyed teasing him and she couldn't care less about his feelings. He was angry, because he knew she was never going to be his.

"You." she whispered to his surprise. "I want you."

She stepped in to kiss him. Their lips connecting in an instant. Remus stood there, feeling the roundness and juiciness of her red lips, his heart hammering wildly, his legs feeling jiggly, but not moving even a millimeter. Tonks's arms slipped to his neck, hugging him tightly. Her whole body was pressed to his, her breasts and his arm squished between them. And just when Remus thought he was going to die in her arms, she separated from him, looking him straight to his eyes, her mouth slightly opened, her lips swollen.

"Let me help you with this." she whispered. As Tonks slipped her arms once again to his neck, getting the splint and untying it, Remus watched her up close. Her skin was bristled, he could clearly see her rapid pulse jumping in her neck, and if he turned his eyes even lower, he could distinctly see the way her collarbone dipped into her shirt, and just a tiny bit of cleavage could be seen. Without thinking, his good arm grabbed her left breast, his hand was not squeezing it, he just caressed it with infinite delicacy. Tonks shivered.

"I want you, too." Remus whispered, still looking at his hand caressing her over her clothes. Tonks let the splint come loose, and it fell onto the floor. Remus's arm felt stiff, but he was no longer in pain, and he could tell it was already completely cured.

This time, Remus crushed his lips to hers, instantly grabbing her ass with both hands, pulling her as much as he could to his feverish body. She responded with equal force, grabbing his cardigan and pulling it towards her. Remus kissed her mouth, and then her cheek, her ear, going down to her neck. He didn't realised when , but Tonks had climbed his body, and then he was supporting her whole weight with his arms, his erection crushed between her legs. He walked to the bed, and without ceremony, he dumped Tonks on the mattress, and instantly he pulled out his cardigan and shirt, standing shirtless over her.

She didn't waste time either. Her thin jacket and her shirt instantly went out of the way. And when Remus laid over her, she took off her bra, her nipples hard and dark. Remus kissed them, softly at first, and then he started to bite down on them, leaving marks all over her breasts. In a second, Tonks was moaning in pleasure, her throat caught by emotion and delight. And Remus remembered that he hadn't even locked the door, much less casted a Silencing charm on the room.

He stood up to the door. He opened it slightly, just to make sure nobody was outside spying. He heard Tonks inhale deeply and when he closed it again, she sighed, letting the air escape her lungs. He turned to her, locking the door.

"I thought you were leaving." she said, pathetically. And then she shrugged her shoulders, unbuttoning her jeans and pulling them down. Remus took his wand from his pocket and casted the Silencing charm on the room. And instead of storing his want again in his trousers, he just let it fall to the ground along with his slacks.

When he came back to her on the bed, they were both naked. He took a moment to see her properly this time. It was the second time he'd seen her naked, but that time at the summer had been rushed and sloppy and this felt like the first time again. He took in her big round eyes, the way she looked at him with some sort of admiration and awe, the way her lips were swollen and moist. And then he looked at her perfectly round breasts, the way her nipples were inviting him to touch them. He saw the same small mole just above her belly button. His eyes then wandered to her pubis, the way her black curls were already glistening form her wetness. And finally her elongated legs, twitching with anticipation to his touch.

He inserted a finger inside her and started rubbing her clitoris with his thumb. It took her by surprise, and she moaned loudly, grabbing his arm and digging her fingernails on his skin. She was already soaking wet, his hand was instantly drenched. He inserted another one, and started moving them. She was twitching even more, twitching and trashing and moaning so loudly that Remus's body was also reacting to it. His member was pressing against her hip, he could feel it throbbing and from its head there were white beads already emanating. He kissed her fully on the lips again, his hand still massaging and kneading and inserting, he bit down on her lip, and he tasted blood.

"Oh, Remus…" Tonks sighed as her stomach muscles contracted for a second, that false alarm that comes before actually cumming. Remus had wanted to take it slow, he had wanted to remember this forever and prolonged it as much as possible, because it probably was going to be the last time he made love to her. And yet, he couldn't. That slight tremor in Tonks's belly was enough to alert his senses, and convince him that he needed to be inside of her.

So he took out his fingers, and immediately hovered over her, his penis touching her entrance. He took a moment to look at her face. She was breathing heavily, her mouth opened and beads of sweat were starting to form on her forehead.

"I love you." she mouthed silently. And Remus didn't need anything else, he pushed forcefully, inserting his member deeply into her. She cried out arching her back to meet him. There was no rhyme or reason to their movements, she was wildly trying to hug him and press her breasts to his chest, moving her hips erratically. He was rapidly losing control of his hips, his arms (specially his recently fixed arm) were trembling because of his weight, and his whole body was trying to match her pace.

But soon enough, Remus came inside her. He flopped onto her, his body completely limp. He had wanted her to cum too, but he couldn't hold it in long enough. Their breathings were ragged and irregular, they were covered in sweat, and they laid there for several minutes trying to catch their breaths.

"I was not wrong." Tonks whispered after a while. "You certainly know how to fuck."

Remus laughed in spite of her remark. He hadn't had sex in more than two years, and before that it had been so sporadic that he couldn't even place the exact date. It was not his experience that had made that night so incredibly satisfying, it was his love.

"You didn't finish, though." he said, getting off of her. He saw his listless penis getting out of her vagina, his white fluid immediately spilling from within her. For some reason, he found that incredibly romantic and cute. He let his weight fall to the mattress beside her, and turned his head to look at her profile.

"It's fine." she said, smiling sideways at him. "You can always try again tomorrow."

"I don't think that's a wise decision." he said with apprehension. He did wanted to try again the next day.

"Why? Don't you want to do it again?" she asked, taking his arm and wrapping herself with it, so her head was resting on his chest.

"It's not a matter of want…" Remus began. All his insecurities and fears were about to spill out, but just as he was taking a breath to say it, Tonks interrupted him.

"Then we definitely should do it again. I meant it when I said that I wanted you. I really want you, Remus." she hugged his middle and snuggled closer to him.

"I meant it, too." he simply said.

"Don't think about anything else, then." she said, sighing. "Just keep wanting me."

And Remus didn't have the energy to fight with her reasoning. Shortly after that he just fell a sleep, Tonks still in his arms.


End file.
